The Beauty of Imperfect Journeys

Turning 50 is not just a milestone; it’s a journey of reflection and transformation. Welcome to the Laundry Room Diaries, where I share the deeply personal story of navigating a transformative 2024. It’s a tale that begins with the origins of this podcast during my struggle with postpartum depression 16 years ago and evolves into an exploration of self-discovery beyond the roles life assigns to us. Through trials and triumphs, I’ve learned to find a delicate balance between personal growth and professional life, and I invite you to listen as I unravel the lessons learned along the way.

Ever wonder if forgiveness could be the key to unlocking personal growth? Join me as I recount my 2024 journey, where forgiveness became my guiding light. Leaving behind a decade-long network marketing career wasn't easy; it was filled with feelings of betrayal and uncertainty. But through introspection and raw conversations with my husband, I found faith in the unknown. Discover how embracing discomfort and uncertainty can lead to profound personal transformation and the strength that comes from letting go of bitterness.

Life’s messes are more than just chaos—they’re opportunities for joy and authenticity. As I look to the future and embrace the messiness of life with renewed excitement, I emphasize the importance of creativity, gratitude, and authenticity over perfection. The Laundry Room Diaries is here to remind you that there’s beauty in the everyday challenges and joy in new beginnings, no matter your age or stage in life. Let’s grab a cup of coffee, celebrate the beautiful messes, and find joy in the ordinary together.

Chapters

• 1:33 Reflecting on Lessons Learned in Life
• 11:24 A Journey of Forgiveness and Faith
• 24:00 Finding Joy in Life's Messes
• 30:02 Embracing Life's Beautiful Messes

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:34

Hello everyone, welcome to the Laundry Room Diaries. This is Angela McKay and I officially want to say Happy New Year. It is 2025, and it has been a minute, friend, but I'm excited to come into the Laundry Room Diaries with you and kick off this brand new year and have a conversation. And, although today might feel a little different than two conversations before, I am so excited for what is coming in this next year. I've never been more excited for a chapter in my life. Maybe it's because I'm turning 50. Maybe it's because I've had some great closure over 2024. But honestly, friend, you just got to trust the feeling. And so today I wanted to come in and have a little bit of a different conversation. I wanted to reflect on a few lessons learned in 2024.

Speaker 1: 2:24

It was a very big year for me Talk about some of the things that have worked great in the Laundrom Diaries and share with you some exciting news and tell you kind of what is on the horizon. And so you know, I thought when I poured my cup of coffee and walked into my office today to do this, it was a little bit crazy, because we're on a snow day and I've got five of my seven kids home, a couple of dogs my husband. So give me some grace if there's a dog that barks or a door that slams. It's real life around here. But you know what? I just felt really called to get on the mic today. So I dusted off my microphone and I decided let's kick this year off, right. So anyway, let's just get into it, let's talk about it all and let's go with it. So as I was sitting here kind of thinking about the conversation of today's episode, I thought, gosh, isn't it so amazing that time can take us all the way through a season and we can find ourselves right back almost where we started, but with a different perspective. And what I mean by that is that 16 years ago, the Laundrom Diaries that's where the name came from, and maybe you've heard the first episode, the Missing Socks, and if you haven't go, listen to it because it really does give you the little bit of a backstory. But I'm going to give you just the quick version of it for today, because I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee. That's kind of warm, but kind of not. We just had a snowstorm, so there's a blanket of white snow. I am not in my laundry room, although I've got to get up there. There's a ton of laundry, but I'm in my office and I'm sitting here in a season of change and new and different.

Speaker 1: 4:15

And it's so funny because in a January day similar to this, I was standing in my laundry room in our old home and I had the kids and they were, all you know, diapers and not all were even born yet. And I remember it was one of those mornings. Where I walked in I had a probably a sweatshirt on with a stain. I'm pretty sure there was a stain on there because it was a mom with toddlers and babies, a messy bun, a cold cup of coffee sitting somewhere because I'd make it and forget and run around, and I'd still chug down that coffee and caffeine, though because I needed it. And I remember standing on that cool tile, though, because I needed it. And I remember standing on that cool tile. I remember that it was a very bright room because of the snow reflection and there was this basket I had on the counter with all the missing socks. You know how you go through and it's like, where do they go? If you have the answer, let me know, cause I still have not figured that out and I've been raising kids for 28 years.

Speaker 1: 5:12

Um, but I had this basket and I looked at it and all of a sudden I just started to cry Like the ugly, snotty, yucky cry of my life. Like what in the world was my problem? Well, the reality was is I was finding a little bit of postpartum depression and I felt like something was missing in my life. And I felt guilty for that, because I was a stay at home mom and I loved what I did and I love my children, I love my husband and I was like what is my problem? Get it together. You know, women, we do this to ourselves. We get into our mind like what is our problem? And I sat there and I really felt guilty for feeling how I felt. But the reality was it was real. I felt that like something was missing in my life and it wasn't anything about being a mom, it was more about being myself as an individual, removing that mom title and saying like what is my purpose, what are my passions? Someone asked me what my hobby was. I didn't have an answer because I had kind of lost myself as the mom. And so, kind of, long story short, I did decide to start a business at some point my husband and I started a store.

Speaker 1: 6:34

It was a hard season. Lots of kids had a couple more. By then. We got to the recession and I remember we were living transaction to transaction and I thought, gosh, I had gotten to a point where I was going to be the entrepreneur, I had my identity, I had the mom life, I had a playroom in my beautiful boutique, my kids were there. You know, we were part of the community, all the things. But we were struggling financially because the economy was so bad and I had a store of pretty things that no one could afford. And I started to become my only employee, and so now I didn't have the time freedom, I was missing my kids. I started to become my only employee, and so now I didn't have the time freedom, I was missing my kids.

Speaker 1: 7:20

And I found myself feeling that exact same feeling again, of like now, the dream that I thought I had to solve the problems has now become a struggle. Anyone relate to that? You think you have it all figured out and then life's like well, here's a little bit different. So it was a different season, but I was starting to feel a little, a little bit of mom guilt again, because now I wasn't able to be the mom that I wanted to be, so I was missing out in the moments. And it was until then my sister gave me, um, this really yummy energy drink to replace my diet Coke habit and said, try this, it's going to help your adult ADD brain which I do have ADD and she's like it's going to help you get healthy. I'm worried about you. And I was like, ok, whatever Love you sister Took, it Felt like a million bucks, like I got my house clean that day.

Speaker 1: 8:12

I remember that and that was great and I said I I will take it because I feel great, but I will not sell it. I was very adamant about not selling it because I didn't know what network marketing was and, honestly, I didn't want to know. I had a little bit of ego. I was a struggling boutique owner, living transaction to transaction. How dare you ask me to sell your mom juice, right? So? But somehow I did sell that mom juice, probably at a football game, recommending it to another mom when they saw my pink juice in my water bottle, because someone went to that link and they bought it. And I got a check. Yes, 16 years ago it was a check, and I remember at first getting upset because I got a check, like I told them I didn't want to make money, but the reality was it was like what we needed that week we to make money, but the reality was it was like what we needed that week. We needed that money and so I looked at my husband and I thought, like this sounds stupid, we need this. I got this. I don't even know what I did. What if I actually understood this and tried? And that's where the game changed for me.

Speaker 1: 9:15

Friend, I started out with a purpose of being an entrepreneur chasing an American dream, struggling in that American dream, finding a new dream, doing something that most people told me I was crazy. I've heard it all after 16 years saying it will never work. And you know what? 16 years later, we have earned multiple seven figures, we've built global teams and we've created so many moments for our family over the course of that decade and a half. I'm grateful for my mom juice 16 years ago. I'm grateful for the missing socks that I had and I'm grateful for the fact that, even though I had the ego and the idea that that stuff doesn't work, I didn't have the pride that kept me from my potential and I went ahead and I did it anyway, because if I wouldn't have done that, I don't know where I'd be standing today. And I love that, because in 2024, I realized that wherever we have been has become an experience that's going to take us further into the future.

Speaker 1: 10:25

And that's where I'm camping out today's episode on, because I feel like there's a lot of people right now out there kind of in a shift or a change, or they just they're feeling it right. Maybe they're standing there looking down, wondering what's missing in their life, and so my hope is that this episode is going to find that person and it's going to offer some encouragement and value and maybe some inspiration and even motivation to change their life and reach their potential in 2025. Because I know I've come a long way from that girl who stood there with that coffee stained sweatshirt and messy body ugly crying over missing socks. But you know what that doesn't mean I don't get there once in a while. And that's what I want to talk about today, because when I started this episode, I said isn't it funny that sometimes we experience a time and a place and an emotion and then we find ourselves right back there again.

Speaker 1: 11:25

Well, let me take you into 2024. If you haven't followed me on social media, which I'm not that savvy on social I have built a business on social, but I'm not a big influencer. But I have shared bits and pieces of the journey over the last year and, honestly, it was really hard for me to share because I didn't even know what I was feeling or how to process it, let alone post about it. But the reality was 2024 started with one word and that one word defined my year. Now we've all heard that you know, you make vision boards or you know you, you create, you pick the word, or whatever it is. I picked a word. Someone asked me what's your word, angela? And I heard the word forgiveness and I said my word for 2024 is forgiveness. I don't know why I said that, but I mean I have. I was on a faith journey and I know forgiveness is how to get salvation. I was working on things in my life so I thought, okay, lord, I heard what you said. Let's make it the word. Well, when you make the word what the Lord says the Lord gives you opportunity, and he gave me 365 days to practice forgiveness, and that was hard. That was hard. It was a year of hard Because at the beginning of the year I said that you know, my word is forgiveness and I had no idea really what that meant.

Speaker 1: 12:55

But as spring kind of approached, I started to feel an unsettling and a stirring, but I didn't know why. That's the worst for a person to go through, where everything appears to be fine but you just feel it. If you're a mom, you know what I mean. It's that intuition, like I know something's not right. I feel it. I had that for like three months and I couldn't pinpoint what was going on, but it made me have anxiety. At night I started to feel like I was going into depression. I was very emotional and it all was wrapped around one thing my business yes, that amazing little network marketing opportunity that changed my life had somehow became the thorn in my side. Something has shifted within the industry, within the company and within myself, and I felt so out of line. I couldn't even recruit, I couldn't sell you anything, I didn't even want to talk about it, but I was making money because it was. You know what I had done for so many years. I was with this company. 10 years. I was one of 11 to start the company. I worked direct to the corporate office one of two and the whole company. The president was who I was mentored by. Like what I was. Like people like what is your problem? You're crazy. Like what I was. Like people like what is your problem? You're crazy.

Speaker 1: 14:22

And that to outward, looking in, it looks like that because I was successful on paper, I was successful on posts, I was successful on accomplishments and awards, right. But I was inside I had no joy and I was dying a slow death and depression. I was literally just a shell. I had nothing, no passion, no purpose, and I felt like I was like I felt the day when I was looking at the basket of missing socks, asking myself what am I doing here? What am I doing here? Am I staying here because I've been here 10 years? Am I staying here because I have titles? Am I staying here because other people are counting on me? Am I staying here because of money? Am I staying here because I'm 49 this year and nobody at 49 hits the restart button? What was going on? And guess what, friend? I stood there that day and I ugly cried again. I ugly cried and I started to really wrestle because I felt what was happening in my life. And so, from that experience of familiarity, of ugly, crying and guilt and all the things, what I started to realize was I've been here before and something's got to change, because life is just too short. The mess in the middle that I was feeling was not where I wanted to live and I knew I deserved more than just staying for a paycheck. And so what started 2024 with a word that became a shaking, which became a calling, really became a faith journey.

Speaker 1: 16:18

And I remember sitting in my room in that thin place where you're having a conversation with the Lord, crying and asking him for a neon sign, because I need neon signs from the Lord. He may give me a sign, but I'm like can you give me more, lord? And I got a feeling that he was saying go boldly. You're not going to get the neon sign, you're not going to get the flashing moment. This is what's next. You're going to have to move in faith and be bold. And that was so hard for me because I'm the person who's a planner Any planners out there I'm the person who will move when I know the route that I'm going, but I'm not the person who's just going to jump in and go and figure it out. That stresses me out. And when I heard him say one to move boldly and I was saying, but I don't like to do that because I have to figure it out I heard him say I already have. And that was a true test of my faith. And that was the first big moment of my 2024 where I knew this was going to be a great year of change for me, but it was going to be one of the hardest years of my life.

Speaker 1: 17:45

So I remember the day I walked down from the bedroom after praying and I sat down at the bar and told my husband I'm going to leave my company. I had typed out an email. They were being hard on certain things. I was trying to do things sell the business, whatever, move the business to my son. There was a lot of resistance. It was not a good way to end that business because of how I was treated A lot of hurt and a lot of pain and honestly, friend, it was my first test on forgiveness.

Speaker 1: 18:26

I felt like they kind of betrayed me. I felt like they kind of betrayed me. I felt bitter, I had anger. Um, I wanted to get online. I remember I wanted to be like this is the worst place to go, don't you know? You know you just have all the emotions. And then I prayed on it and I heard him say nothing. Say nothing, go boldly in faith. And I did, and I did, and it was hard. I think I had one little tiny life one day when a team member reached out for their emotions. But other than that, I stayed obedient and I just went boldly in faith and I started to work on healing and forgiveness.

Speaker 1: 19:18

That was in May and June and July. And I'm telling you, friend, when you go through a shaking in your life and you go through losing who you thought you were or people that you thought you could count on, friendships that you found out weren't real friendships, well, it tests you. And so I had to learn to forgive a lot of people that hurt me, that disappointed me, to forgive a lot of people that hurt me, that disappointed me, that chose wrong or money over right, and it was hard, but I got through it. And so, again, it was a season of forgiveness and as I moved through my year, I got to about October and life was really challenging for us. I had started another network marketing business and although there was potential there, I hadn't built it to where I wanted it to be because I was still trying to find the healing in my own process and to see if this is really what the Lord wanted me to do. And although I have great respect for the women I work with there, it was a me issue. It was me, I needed to work on me. So I went down to the home office in September, launched a leader, did some self-discovery, came back with some health issues and I had to work on myself again.

Speaker 1: 21:03

There was another shaking. My health started to go bad. My mother had a heart attack and life got crazy again. My mother had a heart attack and life got crazy again, and I kept thinking why am I looking at this basket again, asking myself what is going on? Why can't the pieces fall into place? I've been obedient. I've left boldly. I've been faithful. I went silently. I'm working on forgiveness. Why? Why is this happening to me? Well, I answered my own question because I used to say this to my children and my team all the time it's not happening to you, it's happening for you. And I got that one day when I was praying and I went to my Facebook and I pulled up a memory and there was one of my posts to my team about that very thing. Again, you can't make this up. It's amazing how he works and I realized this is happening for me. What does that mean? This year is for me, what is for me, what is happening? And so I quickly moved out of victim phase and depression and bitterness and unforgiving to starting to heal and to start to forgive and to start to find my new beginning. Now, friend, I'm here to tell you right now I have nowhere yet to be completely found. It is a process and I'm continually growing myself.

Speaker 1: 22:40

But I picked up a paintbrush for the first time since I was 18 and I started painting and I remember the day I was painting and I'm a messy painter and I do acrylics and finger painting and I don't color in the lines and I was sitting there doing that and I think my daughter said you know, you're such a good painter and you just, you, just, it just flows. You don't even color in the lines. And I thought yet most of my life I've been in the lines because of what I thought I had to do, and it was one of those moments again where I started to think why is it that we put ourselves in to these lanes where you have to do something forever? Why is it that everyone told me you're going to be 50? You don't start over, you're never going to have this success again. You were lucky, you know, like you don't know how good you had it. All these things I was letting come in and just take, you know, space in my, in my mind, and I was believing it and I thought this is a bunch of BS. This is a bunch of BS. Why do we have to stay in places that no longer serve? And I really started to really pound in my journal about this.

Speaker 1: 24:00

And, guys, what I will say is, from 2024, october to December, I did so much personal work. I was working on my health, I was dealing with the realization of seeing, like, how fast time goes with my kids and my parents and their health. All of a sudden, I'm looking at my life saying who am I? What do I stand for? Network marketing, yay or nay. Can I do this? Will I do it? You know what is it like that it's going to be for me at 2025, at 15. And I got this. And this is where I want to plant the rest of the episode, instead of looking for the answer find the joy.

Speaker 1: 24:46

Because when I started to ask myself the questions, the inventory, what makes me happy? Who makes me happy? When am I the most happy? When do I feel joy? What brings joy? You can't be bitter. If you have joy, you, you find forgiveness, you, you're going to live a different life. You're going to have joy in the journey, you're going to have a different kind of life. And all of a sudden, I became so laser focused on what I was doing, saying where I was at, who I was with, how do I feel. And I got so much clarity. And listen, if you're going through a change right now and you're like I don't know where to start, start by asking yourself a couple real questions and do some inventory. When you're feeling your worst, what are you doing? Who are you with, what are you thinking about? But, on the flip side, when you're the most happy, who are you with? What are you doing? What are you thinking about? It is such a simple moment to do that.

Speaker 1: 25:54

But, man, clarity came with that. All of a sudden I was like, oh my gosh, I'm feeling most joy when I'm creating, when I'm painting on canvas or I'm painting my felt hat. So I'm creating. You know my, my physical brand that I started just because of my passion of creating. I, when I'm creating, you know brands for people and I'm conceptually creating. You know these beautiful things and ideas and I get my business outlet there. I was like this is amazing.

Speaker 1: 26:30

When was I not happy? When was I not happy when I felt like I was in a box coloring in the lines and I had to go do the same mundane thing. And it was because everybody said this is how you do it, and you got to post three times a day and you got to go live and you got to do this and you got to act like that, and I said I don't want to do any of that. That doesn't bring me joy. I had lost the joy in my business because I let everyone else tell me how to color and stay in the lines for so long, and I realized if I was going to do my business, I was going to have to do it in a way that felt good to me. I don't want to be like everyone else, and so it's such a clarity moment, friend, and I'm telling you, 2024 started out it's going to be a great year and 2024 ended up being the best year, with the hardest middle. The messy middle made the most impact, and that's what this podcast is going to start to talk about. I want to talk about the messes in the middle, the things that people don't want to talk about, the ways that we live our life that people identify with, but they.

Speaker 1: 28:03

No one says anything like it's okay to have an ugly crying session in your laundry room, girl. It's okay, you're not alone. Been there, done that a couple times. It's okay not to know, if you want to make a change, exactly where that change is going to be. It's okay if you have the faith to know that you're not alone. It's okay to say goodbye to an old version of you so that you can take the experience to create the better version of you, the new you Like. It's okay to be 50 and hit the restart button. It's okay to walk away from relationships that are no longer healthy. It's okay to change habits and start to make a difference today. Just because you haven't done it for so long. Don't let that be your defining point. It's okay, just find the joy in the journey.

Speaker 1: 29:01

And that's what the Laundrom Diaries is going to be in 2025. It is going to be a journey of finding joy in the middle and I am so excited, friend, to be on this journey, I believe today, as I sat in my office looking at a very familiar setting, thinking about, wow, how great God is and how I've been planted in this feeling and space a couple times and each time I've pivoted and it's just gotten better. But 2025 is going to be an impacting year. It may not be about being a millionaire, it may not be about being the biggest and the best version of you, but it is going to be about being happy. It's going to be about gratitude and forgiveness and finding joy and using your gifts and being the best mom you can be in the messes of life.

Speaker 1: 30:02

We're going to dance through the messes. We're going to enjoy and embrace the mess, because that's where life is lived and we're not going to curate and we're not going to fake it till we make it. We're going to live it and we're going to love it. So I hope that you're excited. I'm really excited. It feels so authentic and real and I want it to be real talk here, and the day that it's not, I'll unplug this sucker and call it what it was. So I'm excited. I hope you're excited. Follow me on this journey. Join me in the Inside the Laundry Room Diaries each and every week where we have maybe a warm cup of coffee, maybe a cold cup of coffee, whatever it is. We're going to have a conversation about the messes in the middle and how to find the joy in the journey. Until next time, guys, keep dancing.